tisdag, december 30, 2008

Huzzah!

009 My camera is online! Now isn't that just great news? Now another element has been added to this blog.

Wonderful images!

(?)

lördag, december 27, 2008

Okay...

...so I could have written a little something before now.
But come on, it's Christmas.
I bet you don't even spend your free time reading this blog.
Really.

onsdag, december 24, 2008

Inconsistent bullcrap

I will believe you for a while, I promise.
But you have to believe me.
And when it is up and we are down we see.
Then we can only do just that.

And the threads are not strong, and they are breaking.
But we will fake it. Fake it until we make it.

And you hurt me again. You stabbed and I bled.
Bled all over you.
I am sorry and you're wiping all the blood away.
You're loving me, begging me to stay.

And the threads are not strong, and they are breaking.
But we will fake it. Fake it until we make it.

And all the little holes will grow and heal,
because I know you feel,
and with the time we steal,
from eachother and another we will live.

And the threads are strong, and they are holding.
But we will make it. Make it and not break it.

right...

Worthlessness.

That is more or less the feeling I am experiencing now.

And yes, it is because of you.

Just because of what you chose to do. Now that is nice to know. Isn't it? Well, at least you get your fun, don't you?

I don't know.

I just really don't know.

tisdag, december 23, 2008

...

And now I wander here, lonely as few.
Yet I chose it, and do not regret.
I do not regret.
But I am still lonely, and I wish that you would
too be lonely as I am.
And be with me.
If only for the missing that we feel.
If only for nothing else but your empty
lonely
mind?
And still I wander here, lonely as few.

a small haiku

I never write in this form
so I thought I'd try
alas, the river runs dry

Juicy

I just bought a freshly squeezed juice mix at the Naked Juice Bar. Something called Pineapple P... something with pineapple in it at least. I really love the Naked Juice Bar. It feels fresh and just right.

I need to buy a mixer and lots of fruits and vegetables!

Merry...

Today it is, in fact, the day before Christmas. And yes, for you few foreigners who reads this, Christmas is actually celebrated on the 24th of December here in Sweden.

Not that anything feels like Christmas. The temperature is just at freezing point and there is no snow whatsoever. I'm working today and tomorrow (!) and half my family is here where I am, a third is over at my mothers apartment and a sixth (...) is overseas in the states.

Again.

So this is Christmas?

Lazy Eye, by Silversun Pickups

söndag, december 21, 2008

...

It's just so much.
No, not work.
Home.

So this is Christmas

There are few, if any, holidays that can even begin to compare with Christmas. When imagining it, me there at Christmas handing out gifts and spending time with the people I love, it is as if I'm looking at an image through thick, darkly coloured glass. Everything is hazy to the point of complete joyfullness, if that makes any sense.

Of course, the reality is quite different.

I do long for the 24th, I suppose. I think. I'm not sure.

Before 10 am I am going to spend time with my father. Between 10 am and 2 pm I will be working. After that I will make my way to my mothers apartment to spend the afternoon there with her. Besides this I want to spend time with my best friend and my dearest one.

Oh joy.

Blah

And yet another day that starts with me rushing in the morning.

A nine hour long work day today, and then tonight I'll rest.

I'm already looking forth to the 25th.

lördag, december 20, 2008

work work

My feet are soar, my legs are aching, I'm warm and tired and I feel more or less overrun.

What happend to me? My work happend.

The facts are the following; I am a 19 year old boy who have had little or no experience in being employed for full hours, I work at a book store, I have been working for about 8 hours a day 5-6 days a week since the beginning of December, on a fairly good/regular populated day at my work we make sales for around 50 000-60 000kr, today we made sales for 350 000.

I do believe that I have made myself worth a warm meal and a quiet evening, don't you agree?

fredag, december 19, 2008

Discount-cupon

"Yes, of course I can blipp your pucon- cupon."

I told a customer that just before lunch. A pucon instead of a cupon. Now the funny thing is that it actually sounded less absurd in my mind. "Here's a pucon." or ""Have you got our latest pucon?"

It does sound better!
Doesn't it?

Today

First, argue with complaining and sick sister.

Second, make my way to the dentists office (after downing my breakfast at an amazing speed).

Third, go to work.

Apples

(psst)

(I just payed for four nights att a hotel in London)

(...and oh how I like them apples)

torsdag, december 18, 2008

Ranting

It's freezing! I clearly made a poor estimation of how cold this day would be.

And now that that has been taken care of, I can wrap myself up in a blanket and start the short and almost illegitamate ranting of mine.

You see, first of all, my current camera is far from satisfying. Hence there are no pictures on this blog. Of course, my current camera is not actually my camera, but merely a replacement, a stand-in, a poor substitute if you will. And I miss the other one. The real camera. The one that makes me want to capture everything I see on a tiny little 3,0" LCD-screen.

I'll get it though. Oh yes. On monday I am the king of photographing, once again.

Second of all (do I really have to keep it up with the "of-all's"?) I am extremely tired from working, and yet the money does not seem to be enough. Sure, I do have a certain amount of money stored away to be used at a latter point of my life when needed (London, anyone?) but I still feel as if the money I spend does not give me as much in return as I would like them too.

And it is of course not the flaw of the money, but the flaw of me not preparing and planning.

There.

A quick little rant and I am off to eat.

My wasteful me

How completely useless.
I have just consumed a large plate of Spaghetti Bolognese, and my wallet is about 60kr lighter. It is such a waste of money, yet there was no food for me at home to bring here.
Yes, I am quite full.
But I'd prefer my money back and homecooked food in my stomach. It is after all christmas. The most expensive holiday of the year.
Oh right, and in three weeks I am leaving for London.
(yay!)

Morning

A peanutbutter sandwich and a glass of milk.

An episode of Heroes.

After that I am off to work. A bit tired still, but I want to work.

But now, Heroes.

"He took a midnight train, going anywhere..."

Something that I have realised is that people have stories. I am quite young, and even though the ones that I hold close and spend time with are as young and inexperienced as I am, we all still carry the weight of a past.

As teenagers, we have not really spent much of our lives deciding our actions on our own. More often than not, our actions have been at least partly (if not even fully) decided for us by some higher authority (often referred to as parents or guardians of some kind).

When I meet new people, it is more clear then to me than ever that even though they are young there is still a part of them that I have missed.

There is a period in their life that I have not been present.

This period, these past 18-19 years, no matter how spent, is a time when they have lived their lives, and I have not. They have not known me, and I have not been a part of their lives. For 18-19 years they have lived probably without the knowledge of my existance.

For the mostpart these years are too much for two people to overcome. We stay friends, casually excluding eachother from our own lives.

For the mostpart.

In some cases, the rare ones, we actually work to make up for the time lost. And that in itself (not so suprisingly) takes quite a while. It takes time. Not time as in years, but time as in units of the daily life that you are living.

Messages, conversations, events.

Time taken out of your schedule for this person, to get to know what it is that you have missed. And only once you learn of this, once you learn of where this person comes from and they learn of you, only then will you be able to feel as if you haven't missed a day of each other.

And how do you learn?

It is not merely by rehashing what has been, but by any sort of interaction with this person that ties any bond between the two of you.

People all are very special, and it is, in my opinion, a great loss to spend time apart from any one your heart wishes for.

Call me the analycist.

(psst, I should really be sleeping now)

But I just wanted to tell you all of the wonderful application of Google Analytics. This is an application that collects data from your blog (or website, in general) such as how many people found their way to you, where they are from, what kind of browser they employed when scouting your website and such alike, entertaining facts.

It registered this blog just today and I've been clicking around the dashboard of it for a while now in sheer unhindered fascination caused by the hude amount of information it provided for me about the unnecessarily low number of people reading my blog today.

Quite the timewaster.

Yet oh so enjoyable. You feel as if you know everything.

Try it!

onsdag, december 17, 2008

PMP

I've recently purchased a new portable media player (I do believe that is the correct term). It is great, really wonderful. I love how it just blasts the noise into my ears. Perfect sound, just perfect.

There is however one problem.

I have a litte more than no songs on there, and the thought of rebuilding my musical personality on a new media does not make me want to jump around and shout.

But, alas, here we go with the downloading.

Any suggestions?

tisdag, december 16, 2008

Divorson (Son of a Divorcé(e))

A quick visit from my mother in this (my fathers?) home.

I do not really care for her visits, although it has nothing to do with her. It is merely the situation after the divorce that causes me to reject the thought of her being here.

I won't start untangling it here, now. It's not the time.

I just wanted to... vent?

For all it is worth, I love them both and wish them joy in their own future.

måndag, december 15, 2008

In the words of J, "Sucks"

And yet another day passed without much happening. Perhaps I should have written a little something, either to you people (whoever reads this?) or an addition (a page or two) on my novel-in-progress.

Though I have to say; this day might not have brought anything to me, yet I'd still prefer it to "Singing Bee".

It has to-

seriously-

-be the lowlife of swedish television.

My sick me

An afternoon with my agonizing throat and I am already very sick of being sick. Being weak, aching all over; it is really not something that I do enjoy.

When being healthy one has a million wishes.
When being sick one has only a single.

"Truth"

Nighttime

The beard does not make the philosopher. And however true that is, what is equally true is that this little old philosopher needs his beauty sleep to stay young and unquestionably (endlessly?) wise and intelligent.

Hear hear.